Are Our Words Healing or Hurting Others?

Have you ever found yourself telling words you wished you have not spoken? Or expressing your faulty opinions that offended someone? I did. Most likely, so are you.

Were you able to speak comforting words to someone else or encourage others to become better? I also did. And so are you.

Despite my well-meaning intentions, I have had some share of thoughtless words that hurt some, even the closest persons to me. But just like you, I also have a good share of motivating words that improved others. 

The truth is out from one lips, both words of healing and hurting can come out. 

This adage from King Solomon comes to mind. “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Here’s how we can overcome the temptations of giving reckless words coming out from our lips.

1. Think Before You Talk.

Reckless words are usually products of thoughtless minds. As such, think before you talk. 

However, if the reckless comments become a habit, it naturally comes out and poses a danger to everybody, even “the reckless” speaker itself. 

That’s why the weight is on the character of the person, not merely on his words. It’s because everyone can see if the person speaks out from his mindless heart or simply a slip of tongue. 

As such, the cure of reckless words is a thinking mind. Ask yourself. Am I using the right words to say in order to convey the right message I want to send? 

2. Talk, But Think About Its Implications. 

We all have speaking styles, but the substance of what we say is often shrouded by the way we speak. 

Don’t let your method of speaking diminish your message. It’s because reckless words “pierce like swords.” It cuts through the heart and wounds the feelings, even leaves a scar to the spirit. 

When we use words or say something, our minds might be thinking of a particular meaning. However, it might not be the same meaning that the recipient has in mind.

As such, we also need to consider the implications of our words from the point of view of the listener. We might be using the same words but the meaning might also come out different, depending on the one hearing it.

So let’s be careful about our assumptions. Our generalizations might be faulty at the very core due to the particular situation of the person listening. Reckless words might just find you in a very uncomfortable situation.

3. Try to Be Better Next Time.

There’s a big difference between a slip of the tongue and a habitual remark. Even “the wise” can commit mistakes, but a reckless fool is guaranteed to make many.

But everyone has a place for growth. A wise man become wiser, and a fool can change his ways. Why do we need to grow?

It’s because in the midst of all our imperfections, God has given everyone of us the ability to become better than who we are yesterday, even in the way we communicate to each other.

There is always a greater room for improvement in verbal communication. Either we can use to heal others or hurt them. There will always be an aftereffect for every word we say. 

Remember this. If someone plants reckless words, he shall reap it in due season. There is a tendency that if a fool speaks, he can find someone who can talk back to him in the same manner, even much more.

Let us strive to speak the right words at the right time. Even if you have the best intentions at heart, if your way of telling the truth is thoughtless, it can hurt people. But wise words “brings healing” to a wounded heart. 

Chose your words wisely. They might show who you are really. 

Glenn Plastina (c) 2017

Together Towards the Progressive Future

Are you aware that the major feelings of adults during graduations and recognitions are that of hope, success, and brighter future? 

But the best–or the worst–is yet to come.

An ancient teacher once said, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” (Eccl. 4:9-10)

Here are some simple steps to ensure the bright future of your children. 

1. Step Up to the Challenges.

Each one must recognize that there will always be challenges in life. Students face them every now and then. The same with you as parents. 

The truth is: there is strength in numbers. It means together you are stronger. 

As a family, you can face hardships stronger than those who work alone. 

A student works better with classmates, just like a player becomes better with his or her team, as well as coach. Likewise, a student becomes better with the help and guidance of the parents.

Personally, I usually ask my children what are the challenges they face at school in order to guide them how to respond properly. You’ll be surprised how children respond to challenges and you can gain insights too.

Are you aware of these challenges, like bullying, discrimination, teachers with anger issues, favoritism, etc.? 

If you will not teach your children about facing these challenges, don’t be surprised if they panic when they grow up and face workplace intimidation, inequality, bosses without moral ascendancy, and favor for favor, etc.

Parents, step up. “Two are better than one” when it comes to your child’s education. Never leave your children in dealing with challenges all alone.

When your child fails in some ways, are you there to help them rise again?

2. Synchronize Your Goals in Life.

Is it normal for parents to expect “good return” for their investments. You work hard, save money to pay the tuition fee, and expect to get quality services. Nonetheless, it is your primary responsibility to ensure that your investments are growing and that your child gets the best out of it.

As a parent, you are the coach and team leader of the house. It is your utmost duty to set specific goals to advance the development and success of your family, e.g. Spiritually, Intellectually, Emotionally, Physically, Relationally, Financially, etc.

It would be unfortunate if parents do not have clear and specific goals for the family. On the other hand, making goals without considering the desires and dreams of the children would also bring potential dangers in the future. 

I ask my wife and children to write down their goals. They all knew I have written The Dream Book that would benefit all our family members. But then, if I’m fully aware of my family’s goals in life, as the head of the family, I can make better decisions with them and for them.

I would recommend. If your family wants to walk together in the same direction towards a successful future, sit with the whole family and synchronize your goals in life.

3. Succeed Together.

The truth is this: the academic rewards of your children do not have any relationship to their success in the future.

There has been scientific research made on it. Academic rewards do not do not guarantee a successful life, even on financial matters.

In fact, there are so many examples we can find who are extremely successful in life but we’re not academically rewarded when they were still students. Many were even drop outs, like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, etc.

Don’t be to quick to judge. This does not mean studying, as well as awards and recognitions are not important. In fact, at work many are being motivated by the promised rewards. But you are also well aware of its limitations. 

Very rare, however, one learns success in the classroom. And parents must understand that success should be developed in the home and in real life experiences.

The school is only preparatory. The key to success is in the family.

Are you raising your children to become successful and significant? 

Are you walking with them through the path of success? 

Are you providing a positive place for them to have a positive life? 

Glenn Plastina (c) 2017

This article was originally given as a message addressed to the 2017 graduates and their parents at GeNext School of Leaders Foundation, Inc.

How to Deal With Misunderstanding?

You texted or said something and it blew out of proportion. Then you find yourself in a hot seat or a heated argument for a slight misunderstanding.

How many times you’ve been through this? Do you still remember the feeling? How did you deal with it?

Misunderstanding is like a viper just waiting to strike you when you’re unaware.

Here are some ways you can do when misunderstood.

1. Clarify.

A person could say one thing but mean something. You may have it right in your intention and meaning, you may have used the right word, but something just went wrong. The recipient couldn’t just interpret it right.

If you hear or see something wrong in the way the listener react to your statement, make some clarification. That’s why speakers sometimes say, “Don’t misunderstand me.” Then they make some clarification on what might be the wrong interpretation of what they have to say.

You may explain the meaning or use an illustration to point out what you really mean. At best, you may ask the particular question to get a specific answer if they get want you mean.

2. Correct.

Misunderstanding is a failure to correctly interpret one’s word or action. You may be using the same word, but the meaning differs to the hearer or observer. Your well-meaning words could be taken out of context.

Don’t be defensive immediately. What you have in mind might have been interpreted wrongly. Your message is right but the method may be wrong. There are many possibilities why your words or action to be misinterpreted.

If you think what you really meant was lost in interpretation, make a correction. Find out where it went wrong. Straighten the facts.

3. Communicate Properly.

In all these years of interacting with other people, I have confirmed that failure to communicate leads to failure to interpret. It means most misunderstanding is caused by miscommunication.

Nobody wants to miscommunicate unless it is intentional to deceive or trick someone. Likewise, if the hearer intends to misinterpret you just to provoke or make you appear bad, that’s beyond your control.

Failure to understand correctly is very possible especially if the person listening does not really want to understand you. As Proverbs said, “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.”

But even then, when the hearer refuses to accept your true meaning, still, you have to communicate properly.

The fact remains that when you communicate to be understood, you have to use the right words for the right meaning.

Your context must be clear and your explanation must be sufficient to convey the exact message.

By the time you’ve started to communicate well, you will see how people respond to your message and catch the meaning of your words and actions. Speak clearly and don’t obscure the meaning if you want to be understood.

Glenn Plastina (c) 2017